I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
