I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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