At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Boobs speak an international language.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
