OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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