I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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