Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
