so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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