I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
