the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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