May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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