captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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