Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
