I wish life had little blips of pornography
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
