I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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