He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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