she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
