Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
