just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
