He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
