you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
