If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
