do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Found your dick twin last night
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
