I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
