he was CRYING into my vagina
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
