Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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