you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize