What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
