So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
