Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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