she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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