just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
