im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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