I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
