Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
