I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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