we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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