I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Pants 0. Shit 1.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
