I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She's the barista slut.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
