: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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