where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
