I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
we're making bets on your personal life
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
