The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
