I wish I could teleport
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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