I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
