We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
