Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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