I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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