Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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