There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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