i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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