If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
