Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize