i'm signing you up for texting rehab
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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