I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
