if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
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