He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
