Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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