I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
