i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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