I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
