my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
