Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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