she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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