Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
