I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
