so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
