I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
