Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
