Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
