I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
