HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
third nipple confirmed
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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