Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
