He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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