i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
