wakey wakey hands off snakey
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
