Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
