Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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