update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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